I got a speeding ticket going home to Moab for Thanksgiving. It frustrates me severely on multiple levels:
a) I hate driving home to Moab on those long, empty, straight stretches of road, with no signs of human life in front or behind for miles and miles, and you feel like if you keep crawling along at the posted speed limit that you will never actually make it home and you will die out there in the lonely desert. It feels like the road is actually growing and extending out in front of you at the rate of exactly 65 MPH. If you go the speed limit, you will, in fact, never get there because the road will just keep stretching out in front of you, getting longer and longer, forever. If you want to make it home for Thanksgiving, you must overtake the road's growth and get ahead of it. But apparently that's "illegal."
b) Who makes these stupid laws anyway?
c) Did I mention LONG, EMPTY and STRAIGHT? I'm pretty sure this is the Land of Desolation referred to in the scriptures. Why is there a Highway Patrol man out there anyway? Is there nothing more productive we can be doing with our tax dollars?
d) This is the THIRD TIME in the last six years that I have gotten a ticket out in the dang $#@! Utah desert, where the Highway Patrol apparently possesses technology that allows their patrol vehicles to turn into sagebrush and sit there by the empty road for days--perhaps indefinitely--until a lone car finally comes by. And then they suddenly spring out of the ground, lights blazing, and ticket you for just trying to get home before your kids outgrow their car seats. Which would ALSO be illegal. I think that's called entrapment.
e) The most frustrating, irritating, teeth gnashing, MADDENING part of the whole thing is that I really have nobody to blame but myself. Which just ticks me off.
So I hang my head in shame the rest of the way to Moab. Didn't tell anyone about it; too frustrated to talk about it.
A few weeks later, I decide that I'd better pay the ticket before they put a warrant out for my arrest. The citation says I can pay by credit card over the phone, which I prefer. So I call:
"Grand County Justice, how can I help you?" A lady answers the line.
"Yeah, I have a speeding ticket I need to pay."
"Okay, what is your citation number?" I give it to her. "One moment please."
A moment goes by, then she comes back on the phone:
"Are you Jordan Knutson?"
"Yes, that's me."
"WELL! I should have known you were a Knutson!! You and your brothers sound just like your dad!! I love your parents! How are YOU doing?!"
I hang my head in shame again. SO MUCH FOR ANONYMITY!!
That's a small town for you. They could have booked me to the Grand County Jail, and I would been able to chat warmly and reminisce about my family with the person taking my fingerprints and mug shot.
*&%@$ Speeding tickets.
3 comments:
Ha ha you're awesome Jordan. Don't feel too bad, it's physically impossible NOT to speed on the way to Moab. Any way you go. I know, I've tried it. It's proven by me. Tell them that next time they pull you over.
I am sorry about the ticket, but man, that is hilarious!! Only in Moab!!!!
I can feel your pain! I got a stupid ticket two months ago. It was my first ticket in 10 years. I apparently made a RIGHT turn on a NO RIGHT TURN road. (yes, they do exist unfortunately). Talk about injustice and stupidity! I was furious. But also glad. I have a crack on my windshield that makes most people ask me if I hit a deer. (which I didn't put there, my cousin did before I got the car). The cop didn't notice that or could have ticketed me twice.
In Utah, they are trialling spots on the road where you can go 85mph. Perhaps it should be trialled on the road to Moab!
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