HOW CAN I STAY AWAKE???

NOTHING LIKE THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!!

And it probably never will again!

My ship has come in… in Logan of all places.

Strange place to find a ship, after all, seas are difficult to come by in the Intermountain West. But this ship didn’t sail in on ocean waves; it sailed in on RADIO waves.

Last week while I was at work, I heard a radio commercial for a contest. The contest is part of the Grand Opening of a new furniture store in Logan. Kind of a big prize… not something you hear given away every day for sure. Only 20 people of those who entered would be drawn to compete. I felt strangely that this might be my lucky day, so I drove down to the store (all the way from Franklin) and entered.

Last night I got the call. MY NAME WAS DRAWN!! I’M IN THE CONTEST!!!

I’m still getting over the shock, but there’s no time to waste, I need to get my friends, family, and even vague acquaintances in the Logan area to help me win. I need you all to rally for me this weekend!!

Here’s the contest: This Friday at noon, myself and 19 other people are going to gather around a bed in front of Furnish 123 at the South end of Logan. (800 south, just after Main Street splits from the highway and heads to Providence. It’s in the old Blockbuster building by Firehouse Pizza.) We all put our hand on the bed and the contest is to see who can hold it there the longest.

The prize for the winner? A HOUSE FULL of new furniture. I'm talking a bedroom set including king bed mattress and box springs, a dining room set, a sofa and love seat… I will not be able to afford this much new furniture for YEARS.  And there are reasons (I won't go into detail now) that I NEED some of this furniture which go beyond merely wanting something new that I already have.

The contest will be outside under a canopy, but otherwise unprotected from the freezing night weather.  I can have a support crew keep me company, give me food, etc.  I can stand or sit on the ground, but I cannot lean or lie on the bed.  I can switch hands as long as one palm is always on the bed.  There will be 10-minute bathroom breaks every two hours, which means this will not be a contest of bladders.  BUT, if contestants fall asleep, they're out.  SO, this is going to boil down to sleep deprivation.  Whoever can stay awake the longest will win.

Jaicee still has to take care of our three kids, so she will not be able to be there with me most of the time.

SO, IF ANYONE IN THE LOGAN AREA WOULD LIKE TO STOP BY AND SAY HI OR EVEN JUST CALL MY CELL PHONE (435-890-0898), I WILL WELCOME YOU AT ANY TIME DAY OR NIGHT!!  BUT MOST ESPECIALLY NIGHT!!!

I would really like some phone calls at weird hours of the night.  If you get up to go to the bathroom, rummage through the fridge, or whatever, call me just to say a quick hello and keep me going.  It would be even funner if you're out and about causing trouble and you happen to stop by.  And the FUNNEST would be if you brought me food to keep me awake.

I NEED EVERYONE'S HELP!!  Because UNFORTUNATELY, sleep is my biggest weakness.  I've got major sleep needs.  I'm practically narcoleptic!  I'll make it through the first night, no problem.  But I'm mega worried about the second night.  Saturday night is going to be when I need some serious help.  SO HERE IS MY QUESTION:  How can I stay awake without making noise that will also keep my competition awake?

I've never had an energy drink before, and I don't think I want to start now.  I'm hoping that anyone relying on energy drinks will eventually crash hard or have to pee really bad before the break. So what to do?  I need a shock collar that someone can buzz me with every time I start to doze off.

But if you want to stop by, creep up silently, and kick me in the ribs or poke me in the eye with something, that might help... as long as you do it so as not to awake the "other guy."

I'VE GOT TO WIN THIS!!  GIVE ME FEEDBACK!!!  I NEED STRATEGY, AND I NEED SUPPORT!!!